Former NASA Employee Goes Crazy in Cafe #flatearth #nasa
We were sitting inside the cafe where the weekly flat-earther meetup was to take place. There were about thirteen of us there, just chatting, mostly about Youtube personalities and the latest news when a crazed old lunatic jumped on top of a table.
He wore a smock and a bow tie. He started yelling "Die die die!"
That got everyone's attention. Along with the 48" telescope in his shaking hands.
"My name is John Kirszenberg," he shouted, causing everyone to look his way. He continued once the room went silent: "...and I want to kill a flat earther!"
John Kirszenberg? That name rang a bell. "Hey Steven," I asked the Concave Earther beside me, "isn't he the guy who stalks flat earthers on the Internet?"
Steven nodded. "Yea, this is the guy who took out Miss Steere, wrapped her in garbage bags, and buried her in his basement."
"How do you know this?" I asked. Miss Steere had mysteriously disappeared months ago.
"Just kidding, Tim," Steven chuckled like the kind of person who finds jokes about dead people in basements to be funny. "I have no clue who this guy is. Looks nuts."
"Which is saying a lot coming from you," I added. "You going to do something?" I asked. "You're the only person here with a sword."
Steven agreed and ran out to his truck. Meanwhile, the hysterical old man on the table swung his telescope at a waiter, who ducked. The waiter then made a grab for the telescope but John kicked him in the teeth.
Blood and saliva sprayed the table at the front, covering a young lady's cheesecake with red, syrupy streaks.
She didn't notice and kept eating. Upon her next bite, she started to choke on a loose tooth which had also made its way into her dessert.
John then pulled a revolver out from the front of his pants and unloaded into the crowd of flat earthers. All three trigger pulls resulted in headshots. He was an expert marksman. I was afraid I was next when Steven rushed in from the side entrance, sword in hand, its point aimed at the crazed scientist's lower back.
I had to turn away so I can't say what happened next. All I know is, the madman got away and Steven had somehow managed to trip over a chair and impale himself on his own broadsword. In all, there were three deaths that day. Three innocent flat earthers and a concave earther.
The mad scientist was not apprehended as of this time.
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Tim Ozman
